Sometimes we feel like we’re leading double lives—our first career and then our second, unpaid job of house cleaner/manager. Housework should never fall on one person alone. Even if a couple decides that one person will work while the other stays at home to take care of it, it’s still important for everyone to pick up after themselves and respect one another.

When the members of a household start taking one person for granted because he or she tends to do all of the laundry, dishes, dusting, or all of the chores completely, not only is it hurtful and disrespectful for that person—it’s also quite slovenly of the rest of the house! If you, for example, microwave a bowl of chili and simply leave your microwave mess because “so-and-so will clean it,” there is a problem. But it’s an easy enough problem to fix. Here are some tips to use in dividing up household chores.

Announce that you would like help. Sometimes this can create even more frustration, but oftentimes people really just don’t see what goes into running a house. Stress how much time you spend picking up after everyone else, and how you might like to read the paper or play a game, too. Explain how if everyone pitches in, it would take less than half the time it normally does to keep the place clean, and always be grateful for help.

Create a “You make it, you clean it” rule. This means that whatever the mess is—the chili on the counter, the mud tracked in, the toys in the floor—the person who made it must take care of it. Children, of course, may need some help, and that’s okay—but they should be taught the responsibility of cleaning up after themselves.

Create a chore chart. Make a very simple spreadsheet—you can even enlist the kids’ help to draw one—and place everyone’s names in one column and all of the household chores in another. Be sure to leave some blanks for chores that may come up. Then photocopy it, and each week put an “X” next to a person’s name and his or her chore(s) for that week. Be sure to rotate so nobody gets stuck with toilet duty every week.

Alternatively, give kids their own chore charts that don’t change, and include things like cleaning their rooms, feeding pets, or doing homework.

Leave annoying notes. Don’t use this as a first line of attack; verbal communication should be used first. But if your message simply isn’t sinking in, grab a box of post-it notes and start putting them everywhere. “Run the dishwasher when you fill it. Replace this roll of toilet paper. Put your laundry in the hamper.” The annoyingness of it all may move your house into action!

Get help elsewhere. If you live alone and still need a bit of help, try exchanging services with a friend. Swap kitchen cleaning days, or cook for one another on separate days. And if you can afford to hire help, don’t be afraid to do that, either. It is not lazy if you are very busy with your job—especially if that job is a house full of kids! It also gives someone else a paycheck.